37: The Darkness - Christmas Time (Dont Let the Bells End)

No, they don't get happy Christmas, we give them the darkness!

Hello and welcome to We Can't Rewind, We've Gone Too Far, where three increasingly burnt-out millennials talk about strange music videos.

Well, it's that time of year again, dear listeners, the time of year we actually have time off to record a podcast.

I mean, uh, it's Christmas, yay!

Happy Christmas!

And today we have a crack of a gift under the tree.

The in-your-induladen Christmas time, better known by its subtitle, Don't Let the Bells End, by The Darkness.

And yeah, we'll get to our various opinions on this song.

It's a crap song.

You could write this song off as a standard Christmas cash grab, and in a sense it is,

but in this case it's a bit more of a polished effort,

which stays true to the Darkness's wink-wink, nudge-nudge sense of humour.

The video stars the band itself, a children's choir,

and the lead singer Justin Hawkins, then-girlfriend and band manager Sue Whitehouse.

It was released on the 15th of December, 2003,

and came a runner-up for Christmas number one in the UK.

The lead singer is quoted as saying,

we managed to get Berlin into a Christmas song without it getting banned.

I'm going to suggest we start off with our opinions on the song itself.

Cool.

Do you guys want to do a bit more positive before I start?

Oh, God.

Am I the only positive one in the room?

Okay, well.

I like it.

No, I'm the only negative.

The only negative.

So I am, well, was slash still am, probably always will be a very big fan of the darkness.

They found me at that sort of time where I was like, oh, I want to be like them.

I never made it to look or dress like them.

But, you know, when I first heard the darkness, I was like, I want to get a guitar and I want

to play that music.

And I don't know why they were the ones that made me go, yeah, they're cool.

But that was it.

Yeah, I adored the darkness back when I first discovered them.

I think I was, what, 13 at the time?

Very busy days of LimeWire, very early days of iTunes.

You could download them and store them on your iPod.

At one time, I bought every single single EP they had released on every possible format.

So I also discovered eBay around this time.

And I was like, wow, you can buy anything?

So I bought absolutely every bit of darkness memorabilia I could find.

And then when this song came out, it was my alarm when I was waking up every Christmas.

I think for Christmas 2003, when it was out, four or five, and I think up to six and seven.

That was what I had on my phone or whatever I used to wake up to, oh, it's Christmas, wake up.

But it was only the first 15 seconds.

And I was listening to them on the drive-in this morning.

some of their new stuff which I haven't actually

heard before. Gotta listen to it because it sounds

pretty good. They're rubbish at the end of the day but I

can't help but love them. Fair enough. Absolutely

fair enough. I don't think anyone here

would be like. But yeah this song

this song's great. I really like this song. It is a Christmas

song on my Christmas rotation.

It is in there because it always

makes it in anyway because it says Christmas in the title

but yeah I rate

the darkness and rate this song.

Okay now onto the negative points. Pass it over

to you too. Well no no I'm

actually going to defend it as a slightly generic christmas song but i think i'm so jaded by we were

talking about this earlier like the current crop of like christmas number ones which are all these

novelty yeah like i love sausage rolls and stuff like that it was just refreshing to listen to like

a christmas song and be like all right that's just just a decent wee song it's not gonna fucking

change the world then but it's just it's just a good a good song and kind of appreciate how it's

in the tradition of like uh what you call it like carry on camping it's an innuendo but it's such a

mild any end of it no one cares it was a fun christmas song though right compared to what

actually beat it that year which was um mad world yeah the mad world cover yeah which is which is

which which is a bit miserable it is it's a weird thing that people went like yeah i'm gonna buy that

instead of this so okay on to now yeah good do your worst go on so there is two types of christmas

songs unsincere crash grabs songs that exist for absolutely no reason beyond just creating a christmas

song and then the sincere christmas songs it doesn't mean that the sincere ones are good but

they're sincere and you can feel that and those are the ones you usually remember for better or

worse so you know you have the insincere ones like fucking seal or with the muppets you have the

muppets but that a good song not does not make then you have the actual like sincere songs like

you might hate Mariah Carey as much as you want,

but when she sings that song,

and I truly 100% believe that she, Mariah Carey,

wants me for Christmas.

You know, there's something sincere about this.

Or, you know, you have Michael Bublé being rolled out

and every time he sings,

regardless of what you think about him,

I truly believe that he really cares about that one Christmas song he sings every single year in all of them

because he's just been frozen the whole rest of the day and he really wants to have his own hood

those are the songs you remember and then you have this song and it's I don't think that it's

no purpose but it's a boring song it's insincere this I listen to the song and I'm like this doesn't

sound like anything I would expect from the darkness I would expect something much more out

they're much more fun and this song is not fun the song is absolutely not fun it's boring as fuck

come on guys like five innuendos and putting bella and being like well we made a joke does not make a

fun song i'm very happy for nio that you remember it for and that was your gateway drug to good music

like i genuinely am happy for that

and they're they're very competent musicians i genuinely like their first album and they it's a

sincere album you can say that it's not particularly good and it's very derivative of 90 of like 70s and

80s hero and they're basically stealing the whole aesthetic of queen very happy to agree on that but

they were making something and they were trying to they were making a point of that album i listened to

to Justin Hawkins

and I'm like, he doesn't care about any

of this, not even because of cash grabs

or not, he just doesn't

sound like he cares

and at the end of the day, why would I care if he

doesn't? Can I just

I do respect your argument

but

the very honourable

no, no, no, I just

I think the whole Christmas song

genre is a complete

farce cash grab anyway

I had a quick scan of Wikipedia just to see what has been there.

And in 1993 was a bad year.

That was the bad time.

Like, Mr. Blobby was number one.

That was the other option for today.

We may come back to that next year.

I tell you what, right?

I didn't actually realize until I read the show notes that this song had those parody words in it.

The Indian News.

I had no idea.

Honest to God.

Honest to God.

This is the first time I've heard them and I'm like, oh, oh shit.

Right.

I didn't know that.

There's me thinking, oh, my favorite band's not a Christmas song.

There's me listening to it.

La la la.

I did not pick up on the innuendos.

Seriously.

I would probably blame the video for that as well.

If the video was better at showing that or better at being wing wing nudge nudge, maybe people would have paid more attention to this.

The gags are, oh, Justin Hawke is pulling up his pants

and then making out with his girlfriend in the car.

There's no, like, reflection of that wink-wink,

there's just in the video, and I think about it,

I hadn't really thought about that.

Yeah, well, that's the thing, like, it would have been much funnier

had they made, like, an actual, like, proper, super cheesy,

very, very kids-friendly or, like, family-friendly video.

With that song, then it would have been funny

because it would have been, like, just, like, the difference.

Or if you went completely budget crazy,

making the point that it's a comedy song.

But they didn't go,

they just kind of went in the middle

and they lost, like,

they just meddling.

Meddling?

Meddling.

That word.

Meddling.

Meddling children.

You get what I mean.

It could have been the kind of situation

where, like, sort of like kids film

where they sneak in jokes for their parents.

They could have went by that

with the music video,

but it's just,

it's kind of just a bit generic.

I'm sorry for ruining it

for both of you guys.

It's just not.

it's not doing for me

like Christmas songs

are so kind of

generic anyway

I still think

I still put this above

like CeeLo Green

and stuff like that

where you

watch that video

with CeeLo Green

you can tell that

you can't wait to get

the fuck out of there

it's not a situation

fucking Kermit

does what you do

get the fuck out of there

like at least

at least it seems like

they had fun making it

even if they didn't

put that much effort

into it you know

but the video itself

should we talk about

the video

what actually happens

in the video

oh yeah

we've got the

controversial segment over

well i mean the video is rubbish it is it's badly made it doesn't hold up nothing happens

a group of unaccompanied children get invited into a house by five or four men just a bit odd

you know it's a bit odd they're clearly in a house in the middle of nowhere and the kids are just

there i mean it doesn't make any sense so it is a rubbish video but yes full of surprises do you

Do you want to talk about some of the surprises that come up?

Well, first of all, those in the endos, right?

Like I said, I had no idea.

Did you guys, when you first heard this song,

did you know that was a thing?

Yes.

Considering that we're talking about 2003,

no, I did not pay attention to the endos.

I was 13.

How old was that in 2003?

Involves too much math.

I want to listen to it very quickly,

just look at the lyrics,

so just ignore me from it.

Me too.

Discuss.

Have you been consistently listening to it at Christmas

since it came out, would you think?

You know those playlists that Spotify makes?

You know, I usually stick the Christmas one on

and it is in there somewhere.

And I am suddenly reminded that it does exist.

So I wouldn't go listening to it out of season

because there'd be no point.

But I think what I do like about a Christmas song

and this one in particular is that for some reason

I find it really hard to picture that period of time.

But when I hear that song, it does take me back to being 13

and being excited about Christmas and probably getting something silly

that I've been wanting all year.

So I do kind of owe it that sort of thanks.

And I do get that with not many songs.

So it's, yeah, this one does sort of bring that back.

But sorry, back to the video.

The video is rubbish.

I mean, it's got done in our notes.

It's like an artist's retreat.

So what do you think?

Do you think they're going off to make new material, do hardcore drugs?

Either they're trying to go for, like, the Darkness are a family

and they all live together in their happy little Darkness family,

or the Darkness, the band, has just fucked off to a cabin for Christmas.

Maybe he's doing it to get over his girlfriend, who is unclear.

Because, like, throughout the video you see...

This is one thing I do really like about the video

that just made me laugh myself, was, like, the 80s style,

where you just see, like, the former love interest looking windswept and interesting

just appearing in the fireplace

or in a Christmas barbell

or something like that.

So I reckon Justin's

having some relationship issues

and they're like,

oh, we'll all go off

and have a good time

in some cabin somewhere.

That's the theory

for the story in my head.

Any other ideas?

I presume they were trying to do,

as you said,

like, oh, we're all family

because two of them are.

But they could have just...

Yeah, I just think

all kings and...

Yeah, it's probably down.

I did not know that.

He's a rhythm guitar, yeah.

As you say, they could have been a bit clear about this.

I think it probably just comes back to just how lazy the video is.

The one she just went, put the band in a cab and make it snow,

it's like some ropey effects.

But yeah, it's just like,

there's just so many missed opportunities to actually make the fucking video fun.

Without spending more money, just make it fun.

I think that's why it's a rubbish video,

because nothing really happens, right?

Nothing happens.

what's there I believe

you believe in we all believe in

Think I'd Love video what happens in that one

they are on

a spaceship big octopus

oh yeah

that's yeah that's

it probably cost a bit more but

I don't think it was like particularly expensive

video to make but it was a fun video

yeah I think they really had a budget for that

this one this one looks like it was self

funded and they didn't

want to put too much down so when you think

of the I believe Think I'd Love

video, there's a whole scene where

the lead singer sings into a salami.

Like, this is like small,

like very, very small things that they just

missed. I didn't notice that. Someone please pull out

the video and have a quick look, but in my head

it was... I'm imagining

the salami, please don't ruin it for me

because that's great.

I hope there is a salami.

If it isn't a salami, I'll be concerned.

I'm just

hungry, I haven't had breakfast yet.

What do you think of

the presents?

like the double neck guitar

reasonable

again just opportunities to have fun

with that

the rubbish robot

it is about

I do have a question for you

if you were to create presents

for 2003

the darkness to put under the tree

for themselves what presents

would it be? Does it have to be period

correct? Nope

I would take a sports almanac

i got that reference thanks thanks nelly what what what does nelly want me well um

we're talking about singer the rapper nelly what does he want he wants more blasters what would you

give the darkness oh um i was just thinking about it's like the salami what could it be in the

did actually someone check the video whether it was actually salami was just me projecting

salami confirmed yes yeah i probably would have made some dumb reference to the i believe in

thing called love video because they have so many small like it could have been like a plush toy

octopus or something like that that's it could have been a whole thing yeah if it was like they

were abducted that would be even better right it would make sense but yeah nope none of that

absolutely not know that yeah look out the one video that everybody knows i i want to touch i put

this note down well clearly no one else bought the limited edition vinyl single am i right which was

incredibly limited because it was shaped it was a it was a shaped file i'm gonna i'm gonna put this

in the chat and don't don't google it don't google it let me see your live reaction to this we're about

to see a picture of the limited edition darkness vinyl wow whose child drew this yeah the art's a

bit rubbish but um but yeah look at that it is not it's it's not like a vinyl shape it's it's it's

sort of like a die-cut version of a it's like a sticker it's got justin on a massive he's on a big

bell which is clearly meant to be two bollocks yes yeah which makes sense and that looks like a big

roll of salami next to him um i'm not really sure what is that is that the actual vinyl so you yeah

you put that on the on the deck yeah yeah yeah you can kind of see the circle bit you know inside

It's obviously just that internal bit.

But yeah, that was a prized possession of mine.

As ropey as that artwork is, the artwork's got the windows all over it.

So it's like, but the video doesn't.

Yeah.

So I just think they've missed a trick.

Oh yeah.

The energy on that vinyl is what they should have translated to the actual video.

The bit where they're all playing guitars out in the snow.

And the fashion choices involved they're in.

That is what they should have done in the rest of the video, right Nelly?

that look like that's clearly a piss take like because it's covered in snow but yeah the the

energy for that should have translated to the actual house but yeah because look at them they're

dressed like what do you call them not eskimos but you know like um like big snow creatures uh

it is also uh the car oh it was it was a it's a ferrari i don't know which type it is but it's a

why it's it's not very practical for snow probably really small yeah it's probably quite tight in there

especially of all that coat

it is a good coat

the girlfriend

she feels a bit awkward at that point

the whole video she looks really awkward

would you not feel awkward

I think at that point she was like

dumping you next week

getting the presents

and then I'm out of here

I just felt a bit awkward

I can't remember if I mentioned but that was

Justin Hawkins' actual then girlfriend

you mentioned it

she probably isn't an actor

that's probably why she looks a bit awkward

because she's like,

oh,

I can't believe I've been

dragged into this

fucking video.

I just want to go home.

And the spaceship

flies past.

Merry Christmas.

I'm murder.

Yeah.

soon.

Final points.

Well, you know, the video is rubbish.

The song is, I like it.

It'll probably always still play somewhat every Christmas for me.

I still can't believe that I never realized the innuendos, but here we are.

I guess I'm a very innocent person.

Being a pure innocence.

I totally missed the point.

Pure innocence, that's it.

The video, it's a bit crap.

I don't hate it, but I don't love it.

If I had to choose a favorite point,

I guess the bits where the kids of the choir sort of show up

and then the other members of the band are just standing behind them

with no facial expression.

And it looks really awkward.

I'm not sure what they're doing.

It's like they've just captured these kids

and they're giving them to Justin to, I don't know,

do what he wants to do with.

and yeah

and it just looks a bit weird

but it made me laugh

because they're as happy

as Larry swaying away

probably

not gonna see

the end of the night

you never see the kids again

no you don't

are they sacrificing the kids

I think they're sacrificing

turned into

to the aliens

food

to the aliens

yes probably yeah

Dave do you want to do

final points

uh yeah

final points

song is good

video is dog shit

favourite part

flashbacks to

the ex-girlfriend

slash current girlfriend

we don't know

her face in the fire

just made me laugh

because it reminded me of

what was that video

did where the guy's standing on top of a mountain and he's singing and it's like cuts away oh michael

boston it reminded me of that and it made me laugh and the worst part is right at the end of the video

he winks at the camera at one point i one of the band members wink at the camera and they didn't put

a ting sound effect in and that's just offensive it was right there guys it was right fucking there

would have taken two seconds no ting worst part the the sound person has spoken uh nearly yeah i

I very specifically didn't actually put down anything for this because I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, guys.

I don't have absolutely any nostalgia connected to it.

I think we should just bin it in the same place that we have.

Cee Lo Green and John Travolts and all that.

Sorry.

I don't think it's good.

I don't.

I think it's...

No.

No, it's just...

I think we're learning over the years that Christmas...

Good Christmas videos are hard to find, man.

Fucking hell.

If you have any suggestions, please email us.

We're struggling at this point.

Which is the point of this video.

We struggle and we're in pain.

We may have to do Mr. Blobby Night Show, guys.

We need some better fucking options here.

Shatter my dreams.

All right.

Well, thank you for listening, everyone.

We hope this episode was everything you hoped and wished for under your Christmas tree.

It was certainly not under Nelly's.

It went straight in the bin.

Me and Dio enjoyed it very, very much.

Take a look at the show notes for today's links for today's video, links to Instagram, etc.

also email so yes as Dave mentioned please email us recommendations for next Christmas yeah you can

get us on gone to farcast at gmail.com and we'd love to hear your thoughts recommendations and

for videos if you enjoy the podcast leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or a podcast player of

your choice um I think that's it for this week so I guess goodbye from me goodbye from me um sure

that

from

by

happy

christmas

to you

happy

christmas

to you

happy

christmas

dear

nelly

and

and

happy

christmas

to all

our

listeners

no

they don't

get happy

christmas

we give

them the

darkness

in both

ways

you