1: November Rain - Guns N' Roses

Feeling better about this one. The last one was just so mental, it was so hard to talk about.

It was just too much.

It was, yes. I feel like it was us probably overshooting our duties as the first episode.

This is 10 right there, you know.

You don't just walk in to go west like it's nothing. You bring a fucking army.

Hello and welcome to We Can't Rewind, We've Gone Too Far, a podcast where a Scotsman,

an Irishman, and a Bulgarian review the most terrible, selliest, and weirdest as fuck music

videos.

I'm David, hello.

Hi, I'm Neely.

And I'm Neil, hi.

This week we're bringing out the hairspray and turning everything up to 11 with November

Rain by Guns N' Roses.

Why are we doing this again?

Because it was second on the spreadsheet.

Because we haven't drunk enough yet.

A bit of background history on this epic piece of shit.

Released in 1992, clocking just over nine minutes.

It's a bit of a marathon.

I'm directed by Andy Morahan that I know nothing about.

The budget is $1 million and still among the most expensive music videos.

And it is thematically linked to other Guns N' Roses videos, Don't Cry and It's Strange.

They never technically officially confirmed it, but when you see the videos, you kind of know that they are connected.

Did we all grow up with Guns N' Roses?

I think so.

Sometime in our school life.

Pre-iPod era.

i mean yeah they were there they existed i have friends that are still massive fans of them

somehow post chinese democracy they still love them i think i think i actually liked this song

when i first saw the video when i was very young i saw it and i was like that was a roller coaster

ride of emotions uh but then as a young wee lad but then i started going to a rock club in glasgow

called the cat house where they would oh shit play fucking catch you welcome to the jungle every

single night and that's where i developed my hatred of guns and roses well my hatred of guns

and roses just stems from the fact that guns and roses are shite well yeah there's that like

there is i guess i kind of like welcome to the jungle i'm sorry i kind of like it um

i did i don't know i never saw their appeal and i always found

axi rose a bit repulsive and in the way he and just like the whole drama of bullshit was not my

thing yeah you get the feeling looking at him that he's you you would you would want to punch

him very quickly oh yeah no you absolutely do like because like he he's a horrible human being

i don't actually know much about him beyond the fact that he's in guns and roses so i don't know

if he's done anything yeah just like generic shitty nelson the whole drama between him and

slash was just boring.

I'm just kind of over rock stars who try to be larger than life.

When they started touring again, they just kept on doing the same shit of like appearing

two hours after they were lined up to play.

People are not going to go and wait for a middle-aged man in jorts to come out and sing

a song.

I genuinely really, really hate Axl Rose.

Sorry.

I'm just throwing it out there.

So this is a totally unbiased review then from all of us.

No, no, no, it's very nice and fair in here.

Very balanced.

Well, I mean, my earliest memory of,

I think it was probably Welcome to the Jungle was probably GTA.

I think it was, was it Vice City?

I don't know.

I don't know, was it?

I think it was actually.

That was the song that, you know, people thought was pretty cool.

You know, rock stars and all that.

But I never really had a relationship with them,

apart from obviously Sweet Child of Mine,

which was kind of on most of those kind of you know completion cds rock classics rock hits and

all that i think inside those two songs i came to november rain quite late i think i listened to

what i would have said guns and roses which would have been those two songs only for a couple of years

before i even considered oh wait they probably have other music let's give this a try and i think it

was my brother probably about four years ago said to me about this and said oh yeah it's a great song

could hear it and then i seen the runtime and i was like i don't have nine minutes to listen to a song

so i'll pass and then i think for this uh for this is the first time i've seen the video

knowing off the song but never you know thinking of watching a video and

well i mean it's it's a disaster it doesn't really have any sort of structure to it it just seems to

be that slash is just a bit pissed off and can you blame him though he's he's just acting his normal

slash self and everyone's smoking and drinking and having a good time and kids are getting

passively affected by the chemicals and then everything just happens at the end everything

just goes to shit we open with axel side note before i start reading how did he spell his fucking

name does he have an e or does he not have an e i didn't check no it's a xl yeah because he's a

Cunt. Not Alex. Why did you write in Alex Rose?

Alex Rose.

Alex Rose.

I have no idea what you're talking about.

The known Axel brother. Alex. Or sister. Or non-binary. We don't judge.

It was Alex Ross, but he just changed it.

Purely out of interest. Can you see me editing the...

Yeah, yeah, we can.

Like magic, your cursor's flying around the screen like this.

Sorry, I've never used Google Docs for it, so I'm amused.

We open with Axel Rose taking some pills before going to bed in a dramatic blue light filled room

with what sounds like a storm brewing outside and probably inside his mind's wink wink.

It's a storm of emotions, unlike the song.

Unfortunately, he's not in a glass box full of emotions or acting skills as such.

No, no, we'll get to that.

We briefly see Axel playing piano in what looks like a small American town church in the desert,

which fades away and we cut to a concert in some sort of grand opera house in a fashion that says,

yes, we spent a fortune on this.

This comes in and out throughout the video whenever we need to see Axl Rose joining on.

We see a small but suitably fancy church and head inside to find Axl Rose and his then real-life girlfriend Stephanie Seymour getting married.

Axl appears to be dressed like a dapper ginger pirate,

his bride-to-be in a slightly more seductive version of a traditional wedding dress.

Everyone is in high spirits, knowing Guns N' Roses history.

Most of them are probably literally high as hell.

They were definitely smoking all the time.

So that was the thing, I guess.

That was equivalent to fresh air.

Yeah, quite well.

Smoking churches.

That wasn't allowed in the 90s as well.

Like, you can't just light a fucking cigar

during someone's wedding ceremony in a fancy church, can you?

People have got up the worst in churches, so.

Don't forget the crying Jesus.

You're going to get to him.

Oh, yes.

Okay.

We cut away from the wedding to a bar to see the whole gang smoking, drinking and more smoking.

Slash was doing his best man duties with a fuck hanging out of his mouth, because obviously it's the 90s.

There's a comedic panic check to find the ring.

The minister conducting the ceremony makes a goofy face.

Side note, that guy was an actual priest.

And I have no idea how he actually ended up in that video, but never mind.

Fortunately, one of the other band members, Duff, had it on his fingers all along.

The ring is placed on the bride's finger and they have a good winch.

A snog.

Open-mouthed as you do at a church.

At which point Slash, having fulfilled his best man duty, just fucks off the church.

Why does he just walk off?

Because he's done with that wedding.

He's bored.

He wants to smoke more.

He wants to take a piss.

The alcohol is outside.

There's so many options.

Welcome to the buffet.

Slash emerges from a totally different church

Which appears to be the same one

We saw Axel playing the piano in earlier

He launches into a blazing guitar solo

The wind blows, kicking up dust all around him

Still smoking

This marks what I think is the only time

We've ever seen his face under the hair

Just the balds

The only time I've ever seen it

Back to the original church

The bride and groom are whisked away

Rice being thrown

Bride looks sad

Probably because she's read the end of the script

that was good i like that you're welcome so after a bit more concert and by the way the concert is

kind of going on throughout this uh we find ourselves in the wedding reception general

jubilation occurs until the skies break and it starts pouring with presumably acid rain

any reason to explain why the crowd would dash for cover including one guy diving through the

wedding cake

I think this was

the bit that I

always remembered

this was the point

where I was like

okay this is a weird

music video

what the fuck's

happening

he could have just

turned around and

went inside

it was really a dick

move just to run

straight for the

fucking wedding cake

it was just

rain

guys you don't

understand it was

acid rain

he had to run

away immediately

here we go

here we go

oh yeah

everyone's getting

bashed about

glasses

run

oh he did

he just fucking

yeah he just

What a cunt.

Six minutes,

fifty,

fifty-eight seconds.

And what's really good,

you can actually see people

like looking at him doing it.

What the fuck, dude?

This cake cost

like fucking thousand pounds,

dollars.

It's gonna be his hair.

His hair,

his saliva,

probably a bit of mud.

Don't forget the acid.

But at least,

at least he didn't get

any rain on him though.

Suddenly the music gets darker and we see the bride in a coffin.

Apparently some tragedy has occurred in the last five minutes.

It was probably acid rain related.

Axel does some sad acting.

At least he's trying to.

Some I'm having a nightmare acting.

Then he suddenly awakes.

Both upright, drenched in sweat, like the old shenanigans of when people don't actually know how to act.

Coincidentally, we are also experiencing some horrible acting.

Unfortunately for us, this is not a dream and we'll have to forever live with the knowledge we actually watched that video.

The video concludes with Axel kneeling by his bride's grave in the pouring rain,

trying to act sad again but just looking like he's finished taking a really big shit.

All the while, dressed like the Count from Sesame Street.

Take us home, Neil.

The end card reads, based on the short story, Without You, by Del James.

That short story presumably being read, they got married, then she died.

And that was the video, everyone.

Thank you for joining us.

I need a drink after that.

Bye.

Okay, that was...

I think we might try and make them short or nice.

Yeah.

But...

Well, to be fair, it's a nine-minute video, so...

Yeah, I kind of realised that when I started writing it,

I was like, oh, I had to fucking go west last time.

So that video is about, like, five minutes too long.

Yeah.

And you actually missed out quite a little bit.

them in a bar then it's like actually walking through that kind of like western looking place

yeah it's called guns if you didn't realize the guns and roses video i forgot yeah he's literally

in like a fucking wild west town with the saying that just said guns yes okay guns if you didn't

get the roses it's american of course yeah do you know i feel like the reason why the video exists

is because someone said,

I know a guy.

He has a church.

We have it for the day.

Let's make a video.

Oh, yeah, there's a graveyard outside.

I don't get it.

Why?

It has no context why it goes to shit.

Well, in no fairness,

it is based on a short story

and I'm sure the actual story explains it.

We didn't touch on the best bit

where she throws the flowers

and they end up on the coffin.

Oh, shit, I messed that up.

Yeah, he's dreaming about her

throwing the flowers

and they fly through the air.

They're pink, by the way,

and they land on their coffin and they're red.

We're not going to criticize him too much on that.

Oh, yeah, because they're red when they land

and then they slowly fade the colour.

Yeah.

Like his fading memories of her.

At the end, when he's at the grave site,

I mean, it's light, it's, you know, everyone's sad,

it's raining, and then he's just left taking a shit.

It looks like he's taking a shit.

It actually looks like 8 minutes 55.

Go to that point.

It looks like Axl Rose is trying to squat a shit into the grave.

He actually nails down as well.

Exactly what he's doing.

Yeah, I swear to God, watch it.

You can see in his face he's trying.

He's like, I'm going to pull out an Oscar-worthy performance here.

And he's looking up and he's like...

You can't hear him, but imagine that's the noise he was making.

To be completely fair, if it was, if you own his steady diet of alcohol and like drugs and cigarettes,

you probably have like really fucked up stomach to begin with.

So you can't really blame him.

Well, I have a fucked up stomach as it is and I don't have those.

So yeah, he's probably really twisted in there.

You're trying to take shit in someone's or in your like beloved person's grave.

I think the flowers at the end are fake because the way they bounce just doesn't look right.

that's not the problem with this video

it is just a problem

it is a problem but yeah it's one of them

I think the biggest problem is the one that you were saying

there's absolutely nothing

in between oh they're happy they're wedded

they're wedded yeah that's the right word

well they're happy they've got married and then just suddenly

BAM!

fucking dead sadness

there must be a hidden message

an underlying message in this video that tells us

why

so this is why I kind of

really like and subscribe

to the idea that

that video, the video for Don't Cry

and Strange connected

or at least kind of

interlinked-ish?

I think it's something to do with Slash.

Because the bride does not look happy.

Oh.

Would you be happy if you married

Axel Rose? Like, honestly.

She really wanted to marry Slash, but

for like, I don't know.

She wants all the hair.

Oh, there's actually a scene in the bar when she's actually trying on his hat, which never happens.

Oh, maybe that's it.

Maybe that was her true love.

Oh, maybe that's why he walked out.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, shit.

And then she died of a broken heart because she wasn't married to Slash, who can do amazing dusty solos.

I mean, she could have just ran down the aisle and said, no, I guess I want that guy.

Maybe that's what happened.

She ran out, but then the acid got her.

It's not very noticeable in the video, but if you actually pause it, you'll see it.

her body within the coffin

there's an actual

mirror in the middle

of the body to kind of like

mirror the side if that makes sense

and apparently they do that

if a person has been in a horrific accident

or I think according to the book

or the short story sorry

I think she shoots

herself

because she's in love with Slash

or she gets murdered by Axl Rose

or that yeah

and this is why he can't act

because he actually murdered her

and he's just trying to pretend that he cares

that's why he's taking a shed in the grave

oh yeah

I see what you mean, Nellie

I actually looked it up because I was like

because I saw there was something weird looking

maybe she's just cut in half

I'm just surprised everyone runs like mad

when the rain starts

because it's an acid rain, you need to like catch up

with the news

the rain is a metaphor of talent

and they don't want to be hit by it.

So they're all trying to avoid it.

So for me specifically,

this video can be summarized in three words.

Pretentious, overblown, disappointing.

Yep.

Surprisingly, also perfectly summing up

the whole career of Guns N' Roses.

I know that the budget is one million,

but why?

What's all this money going to?

Was it just actually Roses costume change?

It was cocaine.

okay fair and whiskey but yeah no it seems like one of those ones were um uh they want to just

kind of say that they've made a video that high budget just so they can show off to their like

showbiz pals and stuff yeah but this point guns and roses were big and they were known yeah and

there was no point yeah i don't mean guns and roses i mean like whoever the guy is that directed it

andy andy morhan what did he do what else did he do i'm good yeah let's highlander three the sorcerer

oh dear oh shit he also directed uh wake me before you go go last christmas oh really

some banana rama videos i think there's one other thing which is confusing me about the video

is this like sort of rural america desert church because it's at the start and it goes in and axel

is playing piano and then later later on slashes having his guitar solo outside it so is this some

sort of like

interdimensional

portal that

Guns N' Roses

should have access to

because

no they just had

1 million to blow

something to do

just went through

different sets

you were like

yeah

we've got like

fucking 4 grand

left in the budget

what we gonna do

just put another

church in there

for some reason

pretty much aye

well they actually

go through

12 different sets

12

I counted them

12 yeah aye

11 plus 1

really bad CGI

which I just

counted as different

set because

it was clearly

a green screen

but yeah

No, it's completely insane. There's like a single scene of him walking through this western

type and that's like, they blew some money on that budget and like, why?

The fucking, the western town, I can just imagine the crew at that point going, what

the fuck are we doing here? What is the point in this bit? Unless there was more that got

cut out. Is there a chance this is all a dream? Definitely a fever dream. Mine. Near the start.

You know, he's in his bed on his own. Maybe. Oh, maybe it's a dream. A dream. What does

the dream represent me. It's a really bad wedding day.

The only

thing I can think of is that the video

was trying to reflect the lyrics

because it's like

nothing lasts forever. That's

basically as deep as it gets

nothing lasts forever. So maybe that's

all the story really is

everything is going to end

which is surprisingly nihilistic for

Guns N' Roses.

He'd have called it the heat death of the universe.

That's a much more metal name.

So the thing with me

when the song first starts

if you don't know anything else

about the song, what you see is

Axl Rose taking

pills next to

alcohol and smoking

and my first good reaction was

oh he's committing suicide

he's got a headache

initially I was kind of like it's either

paracetamol or sleeping pills

taking with whiskey

yeah I did spot the kind of whiskey

bottle though so I was like

that seems like a bad life choice

yeah no i thought maybe he's trying to o.g because whatever story and i'm kind of sticking to this

because it's more interesting than the idea of him just having a bad dream day waking up yeah well

that's even worse i'm presuming the bedroom stuff is taking place after all this has actually happened

and then what we're seeing is like his dream version of it which would explain the massive

gaps and the bit where he doesn't murder her so do we all agree the fact that he actually

his wife yes yes because she because she was in love with slash we probably can save assume

safely assume that it was not just her being in love with slash because he actually gave her his

hat that that's a that's a slash equivalent of of putting out a wedding ring with someone's finger

you can wear my you can wear my hat for two seconds why are my hat all my curly hair

there's just no resolution or setup or climax or anything it's just images

basically misses all all of the all of the usual beats uh dramatic piece of work which usually have

okay last question based on the worst moments of the video best one was the sudden change in tone

going from very good day to a very very bad day with no context and that's i'm just not seeing

it but just nothing it's like a hit in the face i can imagine the premiere of this video

everyone's rocking out and they're loving it and then everything drops to the floor

fags go in mouths and everyone's like this shit's the best i just want to um touch upon one thing

before i pass back to you guys uh mr uh gusa commented uh yeah 12 days in november and this

This is the meaning of life.

What?

What?

Yeah, exactly.

Neil, are you having a stroke, Connie?

12 days in November.

Do you want me to call Connie?

Are you alright?

I can't feel half my face.

That's normal.

Is that because you've had too many fags?

He's been influenced by the video.

He's chain smoking.

I have no idea if he actually smokes or not.

He doesn't.

You don't smoke, do you?

No, I couldn't afford any habits.

I didn't even afford hobbies.

He's a boost, isn't.

Favourite moment.

I've been a best man at my best mate's wedding

and I never thought to hand off the ring

and then just immediately fuck off and play a guitar solo.

He's just like, they're all in there fucking clapping and shit

and he's just like...

And there's dust everywhere and there's a helicopter shot

because drones didn't exist.

Probably cost a fortune.

He's teleported to another church.

it's so good

I love that bit

although you can't play

yeah but you know

it's about the look

it's like guns and russies

the thing's not even

plugged in Nelly

I mean he's not

playing anything

he's playing to the wind

exactly yes

he's playing to the wind

it just sounds like

a helicopter

because there's a

helicopter above him

oh my god

I think the worst bit

is the bit in the bar

because it is

basically like

two minutes of

solid lighting up

cigarettes and then

that's a bad example

for children

even though i smoke but it's still a bad example my favorite moment is of course the man diving

through the cake because some random dude decides that he just hates that couple so much he needs to

just to dive straight through the cake that hasn't been even cut into yet the worst moment

uh for listeners at home nelly is trying to narrow it down everything else uh no i'd say for the

worst moment for me would be uh the guitar solo because it's just underwhelming all right he woke

out and he's all leather clad and he has electric guitar that is not connected to anything and you

have those epic shots of like uh like helicopter shots around him and then he plays the most

disappointing guitar riff ever it's not even the best guitar riff of the song we have dissent in the

Rex over the guitar solo.

So what's our final rating of this one?

It's a very big, excruciating eh from me.

Eh?

Eh?

Eh?

Eh?

It's an enthusiastic no for me as well.

I'm going to be the opposite.

I mean, it was a rollercoaster of emotions.

It's pretty much exactly how I want my life to be.

So I'm going to say aye, just purely for the fact that it all ends in death.

two nose one eye

do we know what we're doing next time

that's something people say on podcasts

do you want to do dancing in the rain

dancing in the streets you mean

I'm still thinking about this one

we can do dancing

dancing in the streets

okay bye theoretical

fictional listeners

bye

see you next time

here's next time

they can't see us now