Feeling better about this one. The last one was just so mental, it was so hard to talk about.
It was just too much.
It was, yes. I feel like it was us probably overshooting our duties as the first episode.
This is 10 right there, you know.
You don't just walk in to go west like it's nothing. You bring a fucking army.
Hello and welcome to We Can't Rewind, We've Gone Too Far, a podcast where a Scotsman,
an Irishman, and a Bulgarian review the most terrible, selliest, and weirdest as fuck music
videos.
I'm David, hello.
Hi, I'm Neely.
And I'm Neil, hi.
This week we're bringing out the hairspray and turning everything up to 11 with November
Rain by Guns N' Roses.
Why are we doing this again?
Because it was second on the spreadsheet.
Because we haven't drunk enough yet.
A bit of background history on this epic piece of shit.
Released in 1992, clocking just over nine minutes.
It's a bit of a marathon.
I'm directed by Andy Morahan that I know nothing about.
The budget is $1 million and still among the most expensive music videos.
And it is thematically linked to other Guns N' Roses videos, Don't Cry and It's Strange.
They never technically officially confirmed it, but when you see the videos, you kind of know that they are connected.
Did we all grow up with Guns N' Roses?
I think so.
Sometime in our school life.
Pre-iPod era.
i mean yeah they were there they existed i have friends that are still massive fans of them
somehow post chinese democracy they still love them i think i think i actually liked this song
when i first saw the video when i was very young i saw it and i was like that was a roller coaster
ride of emotions uh but then as a young wee lad but then i started going to a rock club in glasgow
called the cat house where they would oh shit play fucking catch you welcome to the jungle every
single night and that's where i developed my hatred of guns and roses well my hatred of guns
and roses just stems from the fact that guns and roses are shite well yeah there's that like
there is i guess i kind of like welcome to the jungle i'm sorry i kind of like it um
i did i don't know i never saw their appeal and i always found
axi rose a bit repulsive and in the way he and just like the whole drama of bullshit was not my
thing yeah you get the feeling looking at him that he's you you would you would want to punch
him very quickly oh yeah no you absolutely do like because like he he's a horrible human being
i don't actually know much about him beyond the fact that he's in guns and roses so i don't know
if he's done anything yeah just like generic shitty nelson the whole drama between him and
slash was just boring.
I'm just kind of over rock stars who try to be larger than life.
When they started touring again, they just kept on doing the same shit of like appearing
two hours after they were lined up to play.
People are not going to go and wait for a middle-aged man in jorts to come out and sing
a song.
I genuinely really, really hate Axl Rose.
Sorry.
I'm just throwing it out there.
So this is a totally unbiased review then from all of us.
No, no, no, it's very nice and fair in here.
Very balanced.
Well, I mean, my earliest memory of,
I think it was probably Welcome to the Jungle was probably GTA.
I think it was, was it Vice City?
I don't know.
I don't know, was it?
I think it was actually.
That was the song that, you know, people thought was pretty cool.
You know, rock stars and all that.
But I never really had a relationship with them,
apart from obviously Sweet Child of Mine,
which was kind of on most of those kind of you know completion cds rock classics rock hits and
all that i think inside those two songs i came to november rain quite late i think i listened to
what i would have said guns and roses which would have been those two songs only for a couple of years
before i even considered oh wait they probably have other music let's give this a try and i think it
was my brother probably about four years ago said to me about this and said oh yeah it's a great song
could hear it and then i seen the runtime and i was like i don't have nine minutes to listen to a song
so i'll pass and then i think for this uh for this is the first time i've seen the video
knowing off the song but never you know thinking of watching a video and
well i mean it's it's a disaster it doesn't really have any sort of structure to it it just seems to
be that slash is just a bit pissed off and can you blame him though he's he's just acting his normal
slash self and everyone's smoking and drinking and having a good time and kids are getting
passively affected by the chemicals and then everything just happens at the end everything
just goes to shit we open with axel side note before i start reading how did he spell his fucking
name does he have an e or does he not have an e i didn't check no it's a xl yeah because he's a
Cunt. Not Alex. Why did you write in Alex Rose?
Alex Rose.
I have no idea what you're talking about.
The known Axel brother. Alex. Or sister. Or non-binary. We don't judge.
It was Alex Ross, but he just changed it.
Purely out of interest. Can you see me editing the...
Yeah, yeah, we can.
Like magic, your cursor's flying around the screen like this.
Sorry, I've never used Google Docs for it, so I'm amused.
We open with Axel Rose taking some pills before going to bed in a dramatic blue light filled room
with what sounds like a storm brewing outside and probably inside his mind's wink wink.
It's a storm of emotions, unlike the song.
Unfortunately, he's not in a glass box full of emotions or acting skills as such.
No, no, we'll get to that.
We briefly see Axel playing piano in what looks like a small American town church in the desert,
which fades away and we cut to a concert in some sort of grand opera house in a fashion that says,
yes, we spent a fortune on this.
This comes in and out throughout the video whenever we need to see Axl Rose joining on.
We see a small but suitably fancy church and head inside to find Axl Rose and his then real-life girlfriend Stephanie Seymour getting married.
Axl appears to be dressed like a dapper ginger pirate,
his bride-to-be in a slightly more seductive version of a traditional wedding dress.
Everyone is in high spirits, knowing Guns N' Roses history.
Most of them are probably literally high as hell.
They were definitely smoking all the time.
So that was the thing, I guess.
That was equivalent to fresh air.
Yeah, quite well.
Smoking churches.
That wasn't allowed in the 90s as well.
Like, you can't just light a fucking cigar
during someone's wedding ceremony in a fancy church, can you?
People have got up the worst in churches, so.
Don't forget the crying Jesus.
You're going to get to him.
Oh, yes.
Okay.
We cut away from the wedding to a bar to see the whole gang smoking, drinking and more smoking.
Slash was doing his best man duties with a fuck hanging out of his mouth, because obviously it's the 90s.
There's a comedic panic check to find the ring.
The minister conducting the ceremony makes a goofy face.
Side note, that guy was an actual priest.
And I have no idea how he actually ended up in that video, but never mind.
Fortunately, one of the other band members, Duff, had it on his fingers all along.
The ring is placed on the bride's finger and they have a good winch.
A snog.
Open-mouthed as you do at a church.
At which point Slash, having fulfilled his best man duty, just fucks off the church.
Why does he just walk off?
Because he's done with that wedding.
He's bored.
He wants to smoke more.
He wants to take a piss.
The alcohol is outside.
There's so many options.
Welcome to the buffet.
Slash emerges from a totally different church
Which appears to be the same one
We saw Axel playing the piano in earlier
He launches into a blazing guitar solo
The wind blows, kicking up dust all around him
Still smoking
This marks what I think is the only time
We've ever seen his face under the hair
Just the balds
The only time I've ever seen it
Back to the original church
The bride and groom are whisked away
Rice being thrown
Bride looks sad
Probably because she's read the end of the script
that was good i like that you're welcome so after a bit more concert and by the way the concert is
kind of going on throughout this uh we find ourselves in the wedding reception general
jubilation occurs until the skies break and it starts pouring with presumably acid rain
any reason to explain why the crowd would dash for cover including one guy diving through the
wedding cake
I think this was
the bit that I
always remembered
this was the point
where I was like
okay this is a weird
music video
what the fuck's
happening
he could have just
turned around and
went inside
it was really a dick
move just to run
straight for the
fucking wedding cake
it was just
rain
guys you don't
understand it was
acid rain
he had to run
away immediately
here we go
oh yeah
everyone's getting
bashed about
glasses
run
oh he did
he just fucking
yeah he just
What a cunt.
Six minutes,
fifty,
fifty-eight seconds.
And what's really good,
you can actually see people
like looking at him doing it.
What the fuck, dude?
This cake cost
like fucking thousand pounds,
dollars.
It's gonna be his hair.
His hair,
his saliva,
probably a bit of mud.
Don't forget the acid.
But at least,
at least he didn't get
any rain on him though.
Suddenly the music gets darker and we see the bride in a coffin.
Apparently some tragedy has occurred in the last five minutes.
It was probably acid rain related.
Axel does some sad acting.
At least he's trying to.
Some I'm having a nightmare acting.
Then he suddenly awakes.
Both upright, drenched in sweat, like the old shenanigans of when people don't actually know how to act.
Coincidentally, we are also experiencing some horrible acting.
Unfortunately for us, this is not a dream and we'll have to forever live with the knowledge we actually watched that video.
The video concludes with Axel kneeling by his bride's grave in the pouring rain,
trying to act sad again but just looking like he's finished taking a really big shit.
All the while, dressed like the Count from Sesame Street.
Take us home, Neil.
The end card reads, based on the short story, Without You, by Del James.
That short story presumably being read, they got married, then she died.
And that was the video, everyone.
Thank you for joining us.
I need a drink after that.
Bye.
Okay, that was...
I think we might try and make them short or nice.
Yeah.
But...
Well, to be fair, it's a nine-minute video, so...
Yeah, I kind of realised that when I started writing it,
I was like, oh, I had to fucking go west last time.
So that video is about, like, five minutes too long.
Yeah.
And you actually missed out quite a little bit.
them in a bar then it's like actually walking through that kind of like western looking place
yeah it's called guns if you didn't realize the guns and roses video i forgot yeah he's literally
in like a fucking wild west town with the saying that just said guns yes okay guns if you didn't
get the roses it's american of course yeah do you know i feel like the reason why the video exists
is because someone said,
I know a guy.
He has a church.
We have it for the day.
Let's make a video.
Oh, yeah, there's a graveyard outside.
I don't get it.
Why?
It has no context why it goes to shit.
Well, in no fairness,
it is based on a short story
and I'm sure the actual story explains it.
We didn't touch on the best bit
where she throws the flowers
and they end up on the coffin.
Oh, shit, I messed that up.
Yeah, he's dreaming about her
throwing the flowers
and they fly through the air.
They're pink, by the way,
and they land on their coffin and they're red.
We're not going to criticize him too much on that.
Oh, yeah, because they're red when they land
and then they slowly fade the colour.
Yeah.
Like his fading memories of her.
At the end, when he's at the grave site,
I mean, it's light, it's, you know, everyone's sad,
it's raining, and then he's just left taking a shit.
It looks like he's taking a shit.
It actually looks like 8 minutes 55.
Go to that point.
It looks like Axl Rose is trying to squat a shit into the grave.
He actually nails down as well.
Exactly what he's doing.
Yeah, I swear to God, watch it.
You can see in his face he's trying.
He's like, I'm going to pull out an Oscar-worthy performance here.
And he's looking up and he's like...
You can't hear him, but imagine that's the noise he was making.
To be completely fair, if it was, if you own his steady diet of alcohol and like drugs and cigarettes,
you probably have like really fucked up stomach to begin with.
So you can't really blame him.
Well, I have a fucked up stomach as it is and I don't have those.
So yeah, he's probably really twisted in there.
You're trying to take shit in someone's or in your like beloved person's grave.
I think the flowers at the end are fake because the way they bounce just doesn't look right.
that's not the problem with this video
it is just a problem
it is a problem but yeah it's one of them
I think the biggest problem is the one that you were saying
there's absolutely nothing
in between oh they're happy they're wedded
they're wedded yeah that's the right word
well they're happy they've got married and then just suddenly
BAM!
fucking dead sadness
there must be a hidden message
an underlying message in this video that tells us
why
so this is why I kind of
really like and subscribe
to the idea that
that video, the video for Don't Cry
and Strange connected
or at least kind of
interlinked-ish?
I think it's something to do with Slash.
Because the bride does not look happy.
Oh.
Would you be happy if you married
Axel Rose? Like, honestly.
She really wanted to marry Slash, but
for like, I don't know.
She wants all the hair.
Oh, there's actually a scene in the bar when she's actually trying on his hat, which never happens.
Oh, maybe that's it.
Maybe that was her true love.
Oh, maybe that's why he walked out.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, shit.
And then she died of a broken heart because she wasn't married to Slash, who can do amazing dusty solos.
I mean, she could have just ran down the aisle and said, no, I guess I want that guy.
Maybe that's what happened.
She ran out, but then the acid got her.
It's not very noticeable in the video, but if you actually pause it, you'll see it.
her body within the coffin
there's an actual
mirror in the middle
of the body to kind of like
mirror the side if that makes sense
and apparently they do that
if a person has been in a horrific accident
or I think according to the book
or the short story sorry
I think she shoots
herself
because she's in love with Slash
or she gets murdered by Axl Rose
or that yeah
and this is why he can't act
because he actually murdered her
and he's just trying to pretend that he cares
that's why he's taking a shed in the grave
oh yeah
I see what you mean, Nellie
I actually looked it up because I was like
because I saw there was something weird looking
maybe she's just cut in half
I'm just surprised everyone runs like mad
when the rain starts
because it's an acid rain, you need to like catch up
with the news
the rain is a metaphor of talent
and they don't want to be hit by it.
So they're all trying to avoid it.
So for me specifically,
this video can be summarized in three words.
Pretentious, overblown, disappointing.
Yep.
Surprisingly, also perfectly summing up
the whole career of Guns N' Roses.
I know that the budget is one million,
but why?
What's all this money going to?
Was it just actually Roses costume change?
It was cocaine.
okay fair and whiskey but yeah no it seems like one of those ones were um uh they want to just
kind of say that they've made a video that high budget just so they can show off to their like
showbiz pals and stuff yeah but this point guns and roses were big and they were known yeah and
there was no point yeah i don't mean guns and roses i mean like whoever the guy is that directed it
andy andy morhan what did he do what else did he do i'm good yeah let's highlander three the sorcerer
oh dear oh shit he also directed uh wake me before you go go last christmas oh really
some banana rama videos i think there's one other thing which is confusing me about the video
is this like sort of rural america desert church because it's at the start and it goes in and axel
is playing piano and then later later on slashes having his guitar solo outside it so is this some
sort of like
interdimensional
portal that
Guns N' Roses
should have access to
because
no they just had
1 million to blow
something to do
just went through
different sets
you were like
yeah
we've got like
fucking 4 grand
left in the budget
what we gonna do
just put another
church in there
for some reason
pretty much aye
well they actually
go through
12 different sets
12
I counted them
12 yeah aye
11 plus 1
really bad CGI
which I just
counted as different
set because
it was clearly
a green screen
but yeah
No, it's completely insane. There's like a single scene of him walking through this western
type and that's like, they blew some money on that budget and like, why?
The fucking, the western town, I can just imagine the crew at that point going, what
the fuck are we doing here? What is the point in this bit? Unless there was more that got
cut out. Is there a chance this is all a dream? Definitely a fever dream. Mine. Near the start.
You know, he's in his bed on his own. Maybe. Oh, maybe it's a dream. A dream. What does
the dream represent me. It's a really bad wedding day.
The only
thing I can think of is that the video
was trying to reflect the lyrics
because it's like
nothing lasts forever. That's
basically as deep as it gets
nothing lasts forever. So maybe that's
all the story really is
everything is going to end
which is surprisingly nihilistic for
Guns N' Roses.
He'd have called it the heat death of the universe.
That's a much more metal name.
So the thing with me
when the song first starts
if you don't know anything else
about the song, what you see is
Axl Rose taking
pills next to
alcohol and smoking
and my first good reaction was
oh he's committing suicide
he's got a headache
initially I was kind of like it's either
paracetamol or sleeping pills
taking with whiskey
yeah I did spot the kind of whiskey
bottle though so I was like
that seems like a bad life choice
yeah no i thought maybe he's trying to o.g because whatever story and i'm kind of sticking to this
because it's more interesting than the idea of him just having a bad dream day waking up yeah well
that's even worse i'm presuming the bedroom stuff is taking place after all this has actually happened
and then what we're seeing is like his dream version of it which would explain the massive
gaps and the bit where he doesn't murder her so do we all agree the fact that he actually
his wife yes yes because she because she was in love with slash we probably can save assume
safely assume that it was not just her being in love with slash because he actually gave her his
hat that that's a that's a slash equivalent of of putting out a wedding ring with someone's finger
you can wear my you can wear my hat for two seconds why are my hat all my curly hair
there's just no resolution or setup or climax or anything it's just images
basically misses all all of the all of the usual beats uh dramatic piece of work which usually have
okay last question based on the worst moments of the video best one was the sudden change in tone
going from very good day to a very very bad day with no context and that's i'm just not seeing
it but just nothing it's like a hit in the face i can imagine the premiere of this video
everyone's rocking out and they're loving it and then everything drops to the floor
fags go in mouths and everyone's like this shit's the best i just want to um touch upon one thing
before i pass back to you guys uh mr uh gusa commented uh yeah 12 days in november and this
This is the meaning of life.
What?
Yeah, exactly.
Neil, are you having a stroke, Connie?
12 days in November.
Do you want me to call Connie?
Are you alright?
I can't feel half my face.
That's normal.
Is that because you've had too many fags?
He's been influenced by the video.
He's chain smoking.
I have no idea if he actually smokes or not.
He doesn't.
You don't smoke, do you?
No, I couldn't afford any habits.
I didn't even afford hobbies.
He's a boost, isn't.
Favourite moment.
I've been a best man at my best mate's wedding
and I never thought to hand off the ring
and then just immediately fuck off and play a guitar solo.
He's just like, they're all in there fucking clapping and shit
and he's just like...
And there's dust everywhere and there's a helicopter shot
because drones didn't exist.
Probably cost a fortune.
He's teleported to another church.
it's so good
I love that bit
although you can't play
yeah but you know
it's about the look
it's like guns and russies
the thing's not even
plugged in Nelly
I mean he's not
playing anything
he's playing to the wind
exactly yes
he's playing to the wind
it just sounds like
a helicopter
because there's a
helicopter above him
oh my god
I think the worst bit
is the bit in the bar
because it is
basically like
two minutes of
solid lighting up
cigarettes and then
that's a bad example
for children
even though i smoke but it's still a bad example my favorite moment is of course the man diving
through the cake because some random dude decides that he just hates that couple so much he needs to
just to dive straight through the cake that hasn't been even cut into yet the worst moment
uh for listeners at home nelly is trying to narrow it down everything else uh no i'd say for the
worst moment for me would be uh the guitar solo because it's just underwhelming all right he woke
out and he's all leather clad and he has electric guitar that is not connected to anything and you
have those epic shots of like uh like helicopter shots around him and then he plays the most
disappointing guitar riff ever it's not even the best guitar riff of the song we have dissent in the
Rex over the guitar solo.
So what's our final rating of this one?
It's a very big, excruciating eh from me.
Eh?
It's an enthusiastic no for me as well.
I'm going to be the opposite.
I mean, it was a rollercoaster of emotions.
It's pretty much exactly how I want my life to be.
So I'm going to say aye, just purely for the fact that it all ends in death.
two nose one eye
do we know what we're doing next time
that's something people say on podcasts
do you want to do dancing in the rain
dancing in the streets you mean
I'm still thinking about this one
we can do dancing
dancing in the streets
okay bye theoretical
fictional listeners
bye
see you next time
here's next time
they can't see us now