20: Blue - Eiffel 65

This went beyond my wildest dreams. Thank you for making it trio, Neil.

Hello and welcome to We Can't Rewind, We've Gone Too Far, a podcast where a Scotsman, an Irishman,

and a Bulgarian discuss the worst, silliest, and weirdest as fuck music videos.

Hi, I'm Nelly.

Hi, I'm Dave.

Hi, I'm Neil.

During this podcast, it didn't take us long to realize that the 90s were a dark, dark place for music videos.

And nothing made it grimmer than shitty CGI and that unmistakable horrible Eurotechno beat,

mixed up with shitty autotune and earworm lyrics that make you want to rip your head off.

Anyway, here's Blue WD by iPhone65.

This week, we're going for the jugular.

Right in the jugular.

I wonder what color are the blue guys bleed.

Oh?

Yo, listen up, here's the story about a little guy that lives in a blue world.

And all day and all night and everything he sees is just blue.

Like him inside and outside.

Blue his house with a blue little window and a blue corvette.

And everything is blue for him and his self and everybody around.

Cause he ain't got nobody to listen

I tried to sort of word this like a song

So don't laugh because it'll put me off

That was the point, thank you for getting the point when I was writing it

So Dave, if you can put the backing track to this

I'll try

Yo, listen up, here's a story

About some Italian guys that lived in the impossible world

of the late 90s

Italian techno

when everything

was so

possible

possible

possible

wow you were in for that

the middle bit was a bit

a bit shite

but you know what

that could pass

this was

this went beyond my wildest dreams

thank you for making

trio Neil

I saw Nellie put that in the document

before she put Neil above it

and I was like

I'm not doing that

congratulations

your bravery has been noted

It's fair.

The video was released in 1999 by Blisco Media, a computer graphics division of Blis Corporation.

It's always an amazing start to find out that the music video was directed by a corporation.

After all, they do make the best music videos.

Former employees of the company who worked on the video recalled brainstorming sessions

they were a team full of sci-fi and gaming fans, naming Blade Runner and Star Wars as sources

of inspiration.

Thoughts and prayers for Ridley Scott and George Lucas.

But thankfully for Eiffel 65, Bliscorp had their backs.

The video was listed on NME's 50 worst music videos ever, and I do wonder why.

The video was aged like a fine wine. Shame the wine was on a two for one offer.

It's another CGI fest this week, but instead of Bulgarian Dungeons and Dragons, it's an

Italian space opera. We open with the band being observed by some strange blue aliens

from a distant planet. They proceed to abduct the lead singer and deposit him on stage to

perform a gig for the party-loving aliens. Meanwhile, the rest of the band give chase

in their very own spaceship, land on the alien mothership and proceed to violently murder

their way through the alien guards in the style of a playstation one action game shenanigans ensue

and the band manages to recover the lead singer but as they leave the aliens put a big sign up

declaring please come back and the band returns to put on a gig for them which begs the questions

why can't we all get along and why didn't they just phone their agent did you actually think they

had an agent according to the the behind the scenes stuff they didn't really seemed to me like it was

kind of like a art collective thing they were in um art in about five quads yeah a techno

collective

the best kind of collective in the 90s

so first question who is Don?

who is Don?

I didn't really get this bit in the notes

where does it mention Don?

I don't know I didn't write this

I thought you wrote this

I didn't write it

no I don't know where that's from

is that from last week's show?

could it be who is Donnie and Monchelle?

maybe but

I don't know where is Don?

I thought you wrote it in this picture

like 10 minutes or 2 minutes

you're trying to find a place to

Don

we've checked that off the list

let's move on

yes

right

so Don is

currently missing

and

we don't talk about Don

no

no we don't

all I'll say is that man knows how to

dissemble an AK-47

anyway

so I remember this pretty well

from when I was a kid

but the first impression

I think everyone got the time

and everyone still gets

is that their faces

on the aliens are

fucking horrific

they really hadn't

quite nailed down

doing CGI faces yet I don't think moving in a natural way and when they're kind of bopping

their heads along and singing along it just I remember finding it not as annoying as it

nowadays because I was eight and I was probably target audience I'd imagine I don't remember

hating it but also I kind of remember being kind of scared to watch the video which is kind of

funny because it grew up watching the x-files since I was four or something and yet I found

this video horrifying to watch and don't even mention I don't think I ever really knew what

were because it's just like a rhythm and you just sort of put your own words to it sometimes but

we'll get to this yeah i know i know yeah we'll get to that it's always just stuck with me and

i don't think it's a negative um thing it's not like that bastard crazy frog but you know it's i

think the thing about crazy frog is that that was specifically made to be a gag video to a gag song

well this one i think they genuinely thought that they were creating this amazing piece of art

like the the employees like the cgi artists who worked on the video and they're talking about like

you know, brainstorming sessions and how they're all full of ideas

and they want to create this amazing sci-fi world.

And it's like, really?

Is that what you managed to create?

Probably with the video, just right off the bat.

It's not self-aware enough.

They did something amazing and they're probably proud of it.

They actually, the second video or second single that Eiffel 65 came out with,

they had the aliens back in that again.

And I'll stick a link to that in the show notes.

So they definitely seem to want to keep going with it.

They thought they were onto something golden here.

They wanted this to be almost like a character that lives on throughout, I don't know, the

album or the videos or...

So what happened there?

Basically, the aliens came back in the next video.

On top of that, the alien had its own song.

And the alien, or I guess it's one of the specific aliens, was called Zerotl.

Zerotl.

Yeah.

All right.

He has his own website you can still go to called Zerotl.com.

And you can see this in the show links.

I'm looking at the website and it's quite lo-fi.

Yeah, I'm actually surprised that it still operates.

Yeah, someone's really dedicated to renewing that domain every year.

Because the corporation company people, they still exist.

So it's literally at the bottom of their bills every month and they just forget.

Does anyone know what the Rottle.com is?

No? Okay, we'll just leave it going.

Okay, I'm just...

Someone's kink.

Hey, if someone is into blue aliens, we're absolutely not to judge.

Someone will be. Don't Google that.

No, I want to go to D.I.T.A.T.

If you ignore the Zerotl cinematic universe as a standalone video, do you think it holds up any better?

I don't know. I genuinely don't know.

This video is both the worst thing ever, yet everybody remembers it.

Yeah, that's true.

Is it actually a genius masterpiece that we just completely overlook?

I actually didn't realise it was as old as it was.

I can remember people singing this all the way into when I was in high school and stuff like that.

So I obviously had some staying power in Scotland at least.

But, you know, Scotland in the 90s and 90s and shit techno kind of go hand in hand.

No, they were always there.

I definitely remember listening to it being out in clubs or something when I was a teen in Bulgaria in the mid-90s.

It's a definite phenomenon that still sticks and I don't know if it's just the nostalgia for it.

I don't know if it's just because it was around when I was growing up

if the power of nostalgia has its control over me in this situation.

But I don't listen to it and go, this is a terrible song,

even though musically it's simple as fuck.

The lyrics are simple as fuck.

So objectively, it's not a great piece of art.

However, whenever I listen to it, I don't automatically go,

oh, this is a piece of shit.

Maybe it's just one of those lightning in a bottle situations

where they got something really catchy and it just stayed on forever.

Did you guys watch the Vice documentary about it?

Yeah.

I found it really interesting that obviously when they were in their Bliscoe commune,

you know, it had balls that were paper thin and everyone could hear everyone.

And, you know, someone literally heard the melody being played on a piano.

They wrote the song and had lyrics and whatnot within two hours.

It was made fast and sort of had its moment in time.

It had this weird sort of glitch where it just kept on being in people's heads.

And it was kind of the first ever viral style song or video that, you know, once people watch, they never forget it.

The Vice documentary we're talking about is Neil found it beforehand.

And there's a link in the description if you want to watch that.

It's pretty good for a Vice video.

It's not doing the usual Vice bullshit.

So that's fun.

I tried to watch it genuinely, but I stopped it halfway through because there's a moment where when he was talking about the thought process behind the actual lyrics,

how they were very impressed with the idea of like being blue because it's almost like a universal

feeling which you could be you know you could be sad or you could be a smurf and i just could not

i just absolutely could not put it past me that they are so full of shit that they thought that

they sounded yeah they just thought they sounded amazing on that i usually find that with films and

stuff like that uh when people say oh this is a metaphor for that most of it was a coincidence

and they just made that up later for a crowd to hear.

Yeah.

So, a propolis nothing, gentlemen,

I did the thing which you just told me not to do,

but I did it anyway.

And I looked absolutely deviant at.

Oh, God, don't do that.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

I'm very happy to say no penises.

Okay.

It's very, very, it's very tasteful.

It's artfully done.

It's very artfully done.

Turn my VPN on before I click this.

There is one sort of a furry thing going on,

but nothing sexual.

Very, very tasteful.

Oh, good question.

It's actually got the band in it as well, and a dog.

No, no, no, no, no.

That's the lead singer.

But as a furry, I guess,

clearly some people still feel about this.

The last video, the last pictures they posted,

it's from last year.

Someone is still making fan art for this fucking bullsuck.

So what Neil was saying about it being a glitch

and it kind of just keeps on going.

Apparently it's still going.

Yeah.

Oh my God, that last one's a bit disturbing

because the alien's like the same size as all the band members.

I'm sure there's like an uncensored version of this

which is not posted online, which I don't care to see.

Well, shout out to Zerotel's fan community.

Welcome to the podcast.

Keeping the dream alive.

Email.

Go on to forecast at gmail.com and explain.

Please don't email your fanart of Zerotto.

So do you want to talk about your unfortunate connection?

Yes.

The song is kind of has a permanent connection in my head to Rangers and Celtic,

which for people who don't know are two football teams in Glasgow.

They don't really like each other.

There's kind of a rivalry thing going on.

My school was predominantly full of Rangers fans and they would always sing,

I'm blue, if I was green, I would die.

Because Celtic are green, Rangers are blue.

So I'm blue, if I was green, I would die.

And I think they did sing that a Rangers game for a while.

It's always in my head been connected to probably the most annoying thing about Glasgow,

which is a stupid football rivalry, which dominates a lot of the discussion when it should just fuck off, in my opinion.

Can you tell I'm not a football fan?

True, but think of it that way.

As far as modifying songs to offend your football rival goal, this is not quite like the worst thing you could listen to.

It's a Rangers chant, which isn't full of bigotry.

Yes, yeah, let's put it that way.

It's actually better than most of them.

I'm blue.

I'm blue.

I think it was five people working on this video.

And it was a thing they said that none of them was like properly trained on 3ds Max,

which 3ds Max nowadays is a nightmare to work on.

I can imagine how it was in like 20 years ago.

Yeah, for someone who is not trained into this,

I was almost, I'm not going to use the word impressed,

but also like not disgusted by the rigging of their creations.

The actual animation is garbage and the actual character creation is garbage, but the rigging was not...

I've seen much worse even from like modern movies.

Do you want to explain rigging for people who don't know, including me?

Not me, but I'll get from actual animation Conan because he knows what he's talking about.

Every rigging.

Does he have a theme tune yet?

Yeah, jinx.

If you want me, Dave, I can sing some lyrics.

I think I've unlocked a new skill today.

Achievement unlocked. Sing a song.

Okay, so rigging is all about basically inserting a skeleton into a 3D model to give it a bone and making it move.

Because otherwise, you use the skeletons to rotate the model, basically, and the bits of the model.

So to rig something is to give it a skeleton and make the 3D model move in the correct way with the skeleton.

These guys did do some rigging on their models.

It's not very good.

Well, for 1998, it's probably all right.

The thing that I kind of took notice of when I watched it

was the fact that you can tell some parts they animated themselves

and some parts they bought some mocap data and plugged it in.

The bit like right at the beginning when they're in,

like the guys are like driving the spaceship or whatever.

The animation is very simple.

They are moving one or two bones at a time.

And it's just kind of like moving left and right,

like rotating like not really doing anything complicated and it doesn't look very good it's

like very typical like i have made something and bring something for the first time i'm going to

animate it and then like halfway through they're like fighting the guys are running around and it's

like properly animated with like very kind of detailed animation and i'm like yeah that's that's

a mocap they've got some data of a mo from some mocap studio somewhere and shoved it onto their rig

and they're just like this is why we have a fight scene now because we bought some fight scene mocap

it was about like last week i was saying they they looked like they'd bought in a bunch of stock

models so in this one you reckon they bought stock mocap yeah yeah like the model they have

their little blue man is clearly something they made like they're very proud of it the animation

is like custom to it so like they're singing or they're waving they're doing like their little dance

that is clearly custom animation and it's awful

um i'm just saying it's it's it's not professional um excuse me they got paid for that and like

when you when you see them running the running animation is the same animation for both models

when the two blue guys are running down the hall it's exactly the same animation i literally just

cut to that in my screen yeah it's literally the same animation and also it looks really bad on the

model because the model isn't super

well rigged for that animation

so the model's kind of a bit squished in a

weird way because the mocap is the mocap

data and they've just put it on the model

they're like right here's an animation which

telling like an arm bone

to rotate like this here's our model

completely different from what this was supposed

to do but it'll work anyway do it

and the model's all like squished up a little

bit not very comfortable

right okay two very different

types of animation in there

one okay and one very clearly like to the mouth movements when they're in the ship the mouth

movements are very telling yeah i was i think that's the one that always sticks me because it

look it's it does that uncanny valley thing where it's actually slightly disturbing yeah absolutely

not a great one that well so thank you for explaining animation to i think what i was saying

earlier some of it's not bad i'm not talking about the models they are clearly shit but um

the actual environments sometimes sometimes the lighting looks okay like i think neil mentioned one

one shot in a corridor.

Yeah, there's a couple of moments, yeah.

So obviously that's a,

as Scott was saying,

it's a,

that was a purchased

3D made

environment

and they just made

Mr. Blue Man,

Zotro,

whatever you want to call him,

just run through it, yeah.

Zorotto,

how dare you, Neo?

Zorotto.

Zorotto.

That actually makes sense.

It probably did buy

all the other stuff

which probably explains

why that looks good.

Cowboys.

Cowboys.

Speaking of the,

like,

the actual character

design let's talk about this why did they have big blue blue balls axis for heads it kind of looks

like they're they're going for a cross between like a child's drawing of an alien maybe green guy

usually that and like something from star trek because they've got the weird head but regis on

their head wait did it say star wars so i started looking into blue aliens from star wars and none of

them really look like that did i say star i mean star trek yeah no but because they said star wars

oh they said Star Wars

oh okay

yeah

I started looking

but nothing

yeah it's

it's part of my

nightmare

if you

as a kid

just watching them all

getting slaughtered

by the band right now

oh yeah

let's talk briefly

about this part. Okay, so the whole concept of this video, from what I understand, I guess,

is that those blue aliens are so bored of life that they find this random Italian band,

kidnap them, and that's apparently the highlight of their, like, I don't know, life?

One of the Hitchhiker's guidebooks, I think it might be the one that wasn't written by Douglas Adams,

the newest one. There's a new one? Yeah, it's okay. It's fine. One of the plots is, like, these aliens

who are living on Pluto

become obsessed with Earth's TV

because they've all lost their memory

and the only media they can find.

The aliens have obviously been floating around

watching Earth's TV

and they've taken a liking to Eiffel 65,

the latest sensation sweeping the nation.

They've decided to abduct them

so they can put a gig on for them.

Isn't that the plot to one episode of Futurama

where some race of aliens

kept on watching American sitcoms

for some reason?

And they thought that was real life.

So some TV show,

which you can't remember the name of,

got cancelled. Did you agree with that?

They kidnapped the

actors because they thought they were real or something

and they were like, you know, tell us how

this story ends. This is

also the story to Galaxy Quest, now I think about it.

This is

well-trodden ground in the sci-fi.

We've got three off the top for it.

Four if you can include this.

Of course we can include this. Neil, do you

have any input to this trope

that we accidentally discovered? No comments.

He seems awful cagey

about that yeah maybe neil's a blue alien i've explained so much neil show yourself every bit

take everything off it's a bit cold for that well it's fine if there's a problem you turn blue but

it's fine don't come in the water see if he floats burn him yeah but basically basically from

what we can gather these all these aliens wanted was eifel 65 to come on the ship and play a gig for

them so they abduct the lead singer take him up then the rest of the band who also have a spaceship

I don't know if I mentioned that.

Go on, go and try and save them.

But they murder like 20 or 30 of the alien guards in the process.

It's a bit of a are we the baddie sort of situation this one.

I think it's a problem with the moment when the aliens were like,

oh yeah, please come back to us with a massive sign.

And they thought, hmm, yeah, that's legit.

We should do that.

Although we just murdered half of their planet.

What's the worst that can happen?

I think it all boils down to a communication issue.

It has so many things in life.

Indeed.

What you're trying to say is that their relationship is based on abuse.

and monetary control.

Monetary control.

Capitalism strikes again.

Is that why they're blue?

Because that's like

final form of capitalism.

This is actually set in the future

and all the capitalists

have left the earth

and become these little blue guys.

It makes perfect sense now.

It does make perfect sense.

Also makes sense why they're so

like ready to, you know,

to kidnap

and then to shoot down people

who don't agree with them.

But the moment the people

they want and need run away,

They're like, no, come back, please.

I do, actually.

Can I see the connection you're making now?

Yeah.

We have discovered the conspiracy yet again.

Because I was kind of defending the aliens,

but the aliens did just kidnap the guy.

So it was kind of their fault anyway.

Side note, why did they kidnap only the lead singer?

What do they think will happen?

He's going to be singing this masterpiece a cappella or something.

People always overvalue the lead singer

and undervalue the rest of the band.

I think that's a prime example right here.

It's going to sound a bit shy, isn't it?

Or just him?

Double D. Double D. Double D.

Double D. Double D probably one of the most famous cases of misheard lyrics in all of

History is pretty much open to interpretation what they're saying.

If you're not listening closely.

I'm blue, I believe I'm a guy.

If I were green, I would die.

If I die, I would eat apple pie.

I believe I can fly.

Without a beat, I could die.

Grab a flea, grab a fly.

I'm in a needle for guys.

I'm a green apple guy.

I'm a bean, I'm a guy.

This one has been stuck in my head ever since I've said it.

In Aberdeen, I would die.

I could have beat up at night.

Double D, double die.

I would meet other guys.

I would be, I would bye.

All will bleed, all will die.

I flew the sea and the sky.

I need me or I'll die.

We did it, guys.

We did it.

I've got a game as well for the listeners at home.

Future Me has pasted all of these into the show notes.

So if you go to your podcast player of choice and go to your show notes,

focus on one of the sentences,

And I swear to God, you will start hearing the sentence instead of dabba-dee dabba-die.

Because I was reading it earlier and I read in Aberdeen I would die.

And then that was all I could hear.

I'm going to play the song now.

Find another lyric and...

Okay, I've just blown everyone's mind.

In the future.

Are we doing final points?

Who wants to start?

There is not much to say about this video, is there?

I'm fairly certain there is no human being on the surface of the planet

who has not encountered this magical piece of shit video.

And yet, the only reason why everybody still remembers it

is because of this piece of shit video.

You know, animation is garbage,

music is horrible,

lyrics are non-existent.

And yet we're still here talking about it

with Reminiscence 22 years later.

The sort of logical half of my brain.

Everything about this video and the song

I should hate.

There's very little redeemable about it.

However, I don't hate it.

I actually quite like it

and I don't understand why.

I don't know if it's just

the cold hard grip of nostalgia on me

or if they're doing some hypnosis

David Blaine shit,

but I do like it

and I don't know why.

make of that what you will. This song takes me back to about 2001 when my parents first bought a

family computer that had access to the internet. Since about late 1999 I'd been craving the

opportunity to explore the world wide web but also during that time we got cable tv and had access to

music channels such as MTV and VH1. I think this was one of the first videos it just happened to play

within a few days of having access to this like new form of content. This video to me always looked

like a video game and at that time I was pretty much blown away by it but fast forward 20 years

later the song certainly looks like ass but I think in my opinion Blue's got a get out of jail

free card that I think kind of allows this badly aged music video to have a pass. So my favorite part

is the timing between 2 minutes 11 and 2 minutes 18 when the lead singer looks like he forgot how

the song goes because it's those very very complicated lyrics avoidance of strength I guess.

Yeah, he does.

He just looks very, very confused, doesn't he?

I sort of interpreted that as he was confused

while he was singing to Aliens,

but it does just look like he's forgot the song.

Well, to be honest, he could just be confused

why this is a complete silence around him,

why he's actually acapelling this da-ba-dee-da-ba-da-ba.

Where's my band going?

Oh, God damn it.

They had the auto-tune.

Where's the guy with the USB stick with the backing track?

And the worst part is,

three minutes, three seconds,

the sign, please come back,

which for Eiffel Tower 65,

Which I feel 65 apparently means that it's a-okay to walk back on the planet,

although they just literally incinerated half the population.

Well, they did come back for future videos, so they must have worked out their differences.

One can only hope.

My favourite part is 2 minutes to 83.

One of the band members is doing some sort of spin punching.

I can't even really describe it.

It doesn't look like an effective fighting technique.

He's just kicking ass and he's flying aliens all over the place and it's really good.

The worst part is the fact that the aliens just wanted to put a gig on

and the band go on a murdering spree.

Can't we all just get along?

My favourite part for me was a moment where the shadow and lighting

looked pretty good at 1 minute 18.

But until Scott sort of told me about the way the rigging works,

it actually looks pretty shit now with the way they run down the hallway.

But yeah, the lighting looks all right.

I mean, I thought, yeah, it's not bad, not bad.

I guess it was dark.

Dark hides a lot of flaws.

Yeah, worst part, I can't really forgive the aged animation.

I think in all fairness it looks shite now as it did back in 1999 but hey at least it looked good in my mind.

So Iron O's.

I don't know I'm gonna go with a very soft eye because I hate it but also I can't not recommend it to every single person but also I'm sure everyone has already seen it.

It apparently has some sort of magical lasting power,

which is maintained to this day,

judging by deviant art and other things.

Every logical bone in my body says I should hate it,

but I don't.

So it's getting an eye from me for some reason.

Don't know why.

It's full of flaws, but at the same time,

I think it's at this golden age

in that sort of style of music

that gets a wide pass from me for a lot of the flaws.

And I kind of love it in this weird, nostalgic way,

but I think it's one of those videos where,

I don't know, just takes people back.

okay i guess that's done for another week uh take a look at the show notes for today's links to

today's video links to instagram etc also email us at gone to forecast at gmail.com we'd love to

hear your thoughts and any recommendations for videos. If you enjoyed the podcast, leave

us a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or the podcast player of your choice.

Say goodbye everyone. Bye.

Bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye.

Oh Christ.

.