12: Dr Jones - Aqua

Take one.

Oh, you need one take, baby.

Wow.

Wow.

Okay.

All right.

That doesn't make the edit.

Anyway.

Hello and welcome to We Can't Rewind, We've Gone Too Far, a podcast where a Scotsman, an

Irishman and a Bulgarian review the most terrible, silliest, weirdestest fuck music videos.

Hello, I'm Neil.

Hi, I'm Nelly. And hi, I'm Dave.

Take a look at the show notes for links for today's videos, including Instagram and also our email, which is gone2farcast.gmail.com.

We'd love to hear your thoughts and any recommendations for videos.

If you enjoy the podcast, leave us a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Podcast Player of your choice.

I was so professional, Nelly.

Thank you. I've got a towel over my head this time, Nelly. It's doing something.

Yes, so have I. Tao crew.

It's a blanket.

Tao gang.

I'm uncomfortably warm, I'll be honest.

But it reminds me of when I was a kid when I'd done this with the TV.

TV?

What would you think?

If I wasn't drinking, I'd do it bad to spill my drink.

No, you're quite right.

Like, it gets uncomfortably warm occasionally.

But I kind of, like, crack a wee window so I can look at the screen.

It kind of works.

Helps with the reverb because this room's quite empty.

There's a lot of walls.

So, yeah, it's a little bit echoey.

But anyway.

I appreciate that in six months when I edit this.

During lockdown 3 or something.

Yeah, lockdown 3.

Oh fuck.

This time is personal.

Today we're drinking Sunny D and looking back to the bright bubblegum year of 1997

while dabbling in human anthropology on the side.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this analogy, but this is Akos hit, Dr. Jones.

Now that summer is gone, you had to go back home.

Please come and see me again.

I never felt more alone.

Baby, I am missing you.

I want you by my side.

And I hope you'll miss me too.

Come back and say, I think about you every day.

I really want you to.

You put my foot right up the ground, you're the love I found.

Directed by Pedder Pedersen, the same guy who directed Barbie Girl, which is kind of obvious to be honest.

It's a bright Europop rendition of the Indiana Jones movies, just like a previous entry had with Life.

There isn't much in terms of the history of this video.

Promo videos of pop singles is what you did on a regular scale in the 90s,

and Aqua being a run-of-the-mill Danish pop band were no exception.

This is one of those videos that has an actual plot, sort of, and characters, kind of.

It also features child-friendly scenes of light violence, bright colours and silly, only mildly racist outfits and can't be acting.

Aquascope really was the thing for a very brief period of time in the late 90s.

The video follows the adventures of Lane Nystrom, who's trying to find her on-screen lover, other aqua member, Rain Def.

It's Renee, actually it's Renee, sorry it's Renee, the accent's on the second year.

Yeah, sorry, I forgot to put the accent.

Rain Def has a ring to it.

Rain Def, here for duty.

I like the smell of aquascope.

We'll get to Aquascope. I have questions about Aquascope.

Oh, Zoe Noto.

Well, let's

release this little bit.

The video follows adventures of Lane

Nystrom, who's trying to find her on-screen

lover, other aqua member, René

Tiff, as well as rescue the other band members

from a very stereotypical, and

as well, mildly racist jungle tribe.

Anyway, let's talk about

the video. Aquascope.

Okay, I've had absolutely no time to

do any research, so I'm just as clueless

as everyone listening to this, potentially.

Does anyone know the details of Aquascope, what it is?

Is it a type of film?

Well, let me tell you all about it, and I'm going to get Nelly to do that.

Scott from Aquacorn.

What?

Nothing.

So it's a thing that kept popping up at the beginning of all of their videos.

Like, it's the same thing that shows at the beginning of Barbie Girl.

And from what I vaguely remember, like pretty much all of their kind of like bright, funny, silly videos started with that.

So I think it just kind of them trying to brand specific types of videos.

Because not all of their videos have them, as far as my half an hour ago research showed.

I don't know, I presume I was supposed to be like, oh, we're doing something dumb and silly.

It could be kind of a spoof of like shot in Technicolor

and the stuff's all colourful, so maybe.

That's what sprung to my mind when I saw it.

It's like a brand of film or something like that.

It could just be their personal video brand thing.

I mean, both Barbie Girl and Dr. Jones were directed by the same person.

You can kind of tell they're very, very similar in tone.

I have no idea, actually.

I generally don't know how it started and why,

but you notice it on some of their videos, so it's there.

I don't really get why because it doesn't really have any point

Because if it is trying to be like, you know, the old CODA scope, whatever it was called, you know, that widescreen ratio, I'm assuming that's what it is, as Dave said.

I don't really get it.

Aquascope is actually a thing.

It's an actual device.

It's like an underwater viewing device.

Maybe that's what he was researching in the jungle.

He was designing the aquascope.

Why in the jungle?

Why would you do research an underwater telescope in the jungle?

Because Nelly, it's a rainforest.

A really heavy rainforest.

Rain, water, aqua, and all ties together.

Neither of you saw this, but my jaw just kind of like unhinged because I just genuinely don't know how to take this.

Hinge your jaw back and carry on.

I was trying to piece together the general story,

which seems to be the male band member, I guess, is Dr. Jones.

And then the female band member is going off to either save him or meet up with him.

What do you reckon is...

I can't tell if he's being captured or if he's just living with the tribe.

He's their deity.

Like, I'm not making this up.

Like, in the final scene where he finally wakes up.

Wakes up now.

Wake up now.

When he shows up out of his tent.

Like, there's a split second where they show, like, a totem of him wearing sunglasses.

He's the deity.

Like, so basically, he's the deity.

Hence why he tops his bandmates to getting murdered.

It's really fucking dumb.

I kind of hate that part.

I really hate it.

That was kind of, yeah, that was what I was wondering.

Because I was like, it doesn't seem like he'd actually been captured.

Although, how he wound up being their deity in the first place.

Let's not go there.

Is a cause for concern.

Let's not.

Let's not go there.

Felsie colonialist bastards.

Oh, it's that.

So this video literally can't just want flying nowadays.

Like, absolutely not.

You can call me like a party pooper as much as you want to,

but the video is really fucking dumb.

And it's late 90s.

They could have done something that it's not this.

I think it's more a spoof of the old films of this kid elk.

They're not really making their own story.

They're just taking the piss out of films they probably saw when they were kids.

Are they taking the piss or they're just riffing?

Are they just copying wholesale?

they're not doing anything new innovative innovative oh with cannibals putting humans in

in a massive pot it as a joke it's something that's been done for a very long time as a joke

in like in cartoons and everything so it's not like they're doing something more they're just

doing the same thing it's basically a live action cartoon now i think of it i guess it's on brand

for them yeah it was shot in like whatever 97 guys you could have not especially like the last 30

seconds you also get to but i have really big problems with that because it's really fucking

insensitive i'm pretty fucking racist for even in 97 they would have been able to tell that i don't

know if music video producers in 97 would have that would have occurred to them to be honest

would have just they would have just went oh it's fine and just continued anyway i mean come on even

the actual indiana jones 4 wasn't that bad i've seen i've seen the nuclear nuclear french scene oh god

Yeah, that was the thing that happened.

Yeah, because when people told me about that,

I was imagining like he was sitting in a walk-in fridge,

you know, like Boris Johnson.

But I didn't realise it was an actual like tiny home fridge

that he was hiding in.

I was like, oh my God.

Okay, so let's talk about the physical effects,

which I actually quite like.

Like they were very dumb and cheesy,

but I did appreciate them

because they weren't trying to make the video more than it was.

So I did appreciate the cheesy fake animals and the erupting volcano, which, yeah, you know, wink wink.

Not again.

The like, model dumb animals and stuff like that definitely brought a smile to my face.

The bit where she's holding the snake, it's like meant to be attacking her, but she's clearly just holding a completely inanimate snake.

Just made me laugh my fucking arse off.

In a good way.

It's probably budget constraints, let's be honest, but I think it ties in with the whole charm.

I think it's totally deliberate.

It's like, it's what they were going for and I think they nailed it.

yeah definitely the thing that makes the video for me is actually the the performance of the

main two band members it's like they're not good actors but they're they're they're going for it

with enough campiness yeah they're they're given 110 percent renee's face whenever he's on camera

is just hysterical because he once again he's like a living cartoon character i kind of really like the

acting of the the other two band members as well because they kind of like always in the background

but they just yeah it's pretty fucking funny especially in the scene where in the in the

massive pot and they just just the faces they make of as you said fucking hysterical yeah they're

they're kind of like comedy sidekicks if you're trying to spoof dr john um like indiana jones

would you not want your character to be a bit tiny bit indiana jones you know i never made the

connection between dr jones and indiana jones well really yeah you saw this video and you're like oh

yeah i wonder who this dr jones is i was watching it going like oh it's a bit like a cheesy indiana

Jones but I still never made the connection

between the names. Oh wow. That's

an impressive level of stupidity

I'm not gonna

blame it on the whiskey you're drinking right now

are you tired? I think it was the

lack of the whip

and the hat. This is true

made you not realise it.

He has a hat. He comes across more

like an actual scientist who was out there

researching something and he's just like

stumbled across this tribe and

accidentally became their deity.

In fucking Ray-Ban sunglasses and like freshly shaven heads.

Ah, well, he's a cool scientist, you know.

Right, sure.

Archaeologist.

Archaeologist.

Yeah.

Anthropologist.

He doesn't seem like the action hero type.

He just seems like a bumbling potential scientist to me.

I don't know.

I mean, he does leap through half of the song, so.

They're all out adventuring trying to get him back.

And he's just sitting in his tent like,

maybe I should send him a text or something, you know.

Oh, did they say text via Morse code?

How do you do smiling tongue emoji in Morse code?

Oh, there's absolutely a way because there will be a symbol for semicolon and for the letter P, capital.

There we go.

I still have the question of what he was researching in the jungle.

Sock puppets?

The effects of voodoo on potential band members.

That as well.

Yeah, he does have a voodoo doll of her, doesn't he?

Like he's like stroking the doll and talking lovingly to it.

And it's like, mate, buddy, nah.

Well, I've never really thought about, obviously a voodoo doll's meant,

well, when you see him in movies, it's always to inflict pain.

But could you inflict pleasure with a voodoo doll as well?

Am I going to a strange place here?

Uh, no.

I'm going to a strange place here, aren't I?

You are going to a strange place.

Well, I mean, yes, I'm going to say yes.

Surely you could, yeah.

Surely it works both ways.

Why would it only be pain?

Yeah, exactly.

Some people like both, so.

you could get a tiny little whip for it

go on

that's all I've got

it's a PG-13 podcast

that is not a PG-13 podcast

well I have to repeat the fucking Baba podcast

it's not

that's not safe for life

I forgot about that one

oh actually that reminds me

did anyone translate the French

we can do a very

quick google search

As pour I entree on prend du voodoo, I enter the voodoo.

Ah, okay, that actually makes sense.

Oh yeah, it does make sense, Nelly, yeah.

For listeners at home, if you haven't watched the video, there is subtitles, but they're really badly done and you can't see that last word.

That's why Nelly sounded like she was having a stroke.

If you haven't figured out yet, I'm not French.

However, this sentence apparently means

guys, we eat at 8 o'clock,

which is fair.

Because they're in the pot at that point, aren't they?

Oh, no, they're not in the pot yet,

but they're about to get put in the pot,

so meat's back in the menu, boys.

Is that all? Just those two?

I think so, yeah.

That was very exciting.

I still want to know what the voodoo part means.

I wonder what it means, like,

we do voodoo?

I think we may have at least one French listener

judging by the podcast statistics.

So, email,

gone2farcast at gmail.com with your translation.

Or you can also contact us on Twitter at gone2farcast

or drop us an Instagram message on gone2farcast.

Anyway, so I put in the talking points note,

I put in like a reference about the female lead singer's clothes.

They're a bit like scantily,

but honestly, they're not quite as bad as they could be nowadays.

Like, yeah, we see a lot of midriff.

I remember enjoying that aspect of this video when I was young.

It was a plus for young me.

Speaking of, Dr. John's is really friendly, as I mentioned, with the voodoo doll.

And then he's immediately shown playing with a sock puppet.

Like, I'm not sure what he's doing there, but also feel a bit uncomfortable.

And then he immediately goes to sleep as well.

So it's like, whoever edited that had an idea.

And I'm not sure what idea is going.

Just watching this bit again.

Oh yeah.

Oh yeah.

Fuck.

Jeez I never noticed that.

I watched that video way too many times.

Guess he's it.

And then he sort of flips his hat around and goes.

Ah well time to go to bed.

Mm hmm.

Mm hmm.

He's been away from.

What's the chops Leanne for a very long time.

Yeah but.

Should there's females in that.

Actually very good point.

Where are the females in that tribe.

That is a good point.

They don't seem to be any.

I'm not judging.

But also where are the women.

How do you reproduce.

Maybe only the men take care of the boiling.

Colonialist.

Travelers.

of a aspect of things in their culture i'm gonna do i'm gonna go into the colonial thing a bit like

a lot of like all the old like really old like 50s adventure films of some sort of indiana jones

type person going over to a foreign country and going on adventures and stuff like that they were

basically propaganda for colonialism though this kind of by extension is glorifying colonialism

it is because you have the main character one of the main characters and is it being an actual

deity. Sorry, not an actual

deity being a deity for

a tribe that is shown as cannibals

by extension, you know,

uncivilized, quote unquote.

They're also faceless and

it's very uncanny.

But I think the question is, why was he there?

Was he working for a particular government?

Is he trying to sneak in and steal their resources?

And then he just got too comfortable.

Should we go into the final points?

Yeah, yeah.

It's been going for a while.

Let's just do it.

This is a song that I managed to miss while growing up.

I think the closest I got to Aqua was when the Barbie Girl craze hits.

Aqua never really appealed to me.

The sound didn't really resonate with what I wanted to listen to at that time.

Now back then, when I was about seven or eight, and I shit you not,

So the only music I remember listening to was Cher's Believe and Hanson's Oombo.

Cheers.

I actually think that probably Hanson's Oombo was probably the first CD album I had.

And Cher was probably on cassette.

But as catchy as Dr. Jones sounds, it personally doesn't stick in my head.

And I'm really, really glad for that.

The video is mostly offensive.

It's bright.

It's silly.

And I don't hate it per se, but I don't think there's much of a substance in there.

It is the same stick that got old immediately after releasing Barbie Girl

and grew even more tired with every single passing similar video they made.

And the campy acting is fine, but it's the level of a third grade Aladdin Panto.

And stereotypes have aged pretty badly.

And I've not actually seen anything recent of theirs,

but I really hope for their own sake they've just retired the whole aquascope bullshit.

No love for aquascope.

I think overall I quite enjoyed it actually.

Maybe there's a bit of nostalgia in there for me.

It's basically a live-action cartoon.

It's kind of performed quite well for what they're going for,

which is just slapstick nonsense.

Best and worst parts.

The best part, and I do legitimately fucking love this part,

is as they're talking to each other over the Morse code machine,

they're kind of singing as they do it,

and they're clearly Morse coding what they're singing,

and if you watch it, they're actually tapping in time with the song.

So I've just got the image of them somehow managing to get the sort of musical qualities into Morse code, which I find hilarious.

The worst part is they don't seem to want to kiss each other the two times that they do, which is fair enough because they're not actors.

But I hadn't realised that they were at some point in a relationship.

I don't know at which point this was made.

It definitely looks like they're trying to avoid winching each other.

But that's nitpicking to be honest.

They're just trying to keep it PG, guys.

Yeah, well, they don't even do like a peck on the cheek or whatever.

They legitimately look like they're trying to avoid touching each other.

So it's like...

Just that.

They're just all so sweaty with that jungle.

Smell like aquascope.

How does aquascope smell?

I'm thinking kind of like bubble bath.

A bubble bath.

So why is that bad?

I don't know.

I hadn't thought this very hard.

I hadn't thought this through.

Bubble bath mixed with mud.

Well, I mean, mud baths are a thing.

It's true.

I've never smelled a mud bath.

It smells of like a wet earth.

it's it's fine it's offensive uh best moments for me is a single shot uh while they're introducing

the characters the portrait of klaus it's it's just so funny it's so sincere and they told him

to smile for a portrait photo and he smiled like a high school graduate in the 50s and it just

works uh and the worst moment for me are just the last the whole last 30 seconds of the video just

just all of it

it's horrible

cut it out

set it on fire

put it in the bin

yeah in the bin

yeah so best

and worst was

obviously the

wacky nod to

indiana jones

it's pure slack

stick banter

pure slack

stick banter

especially with

a gramophone face

facts were fun

um i don't

really have a

worst part i mean

maybe the mild

colonialism nods

and whatnot but

i don't know

just seems very

of the time

uh i'm gonna

give it uh

i'm gonna give it

an eye because

it did put

in my face. Yeah, I gotta give it an eye. It's

harmless, it's fun

but it is a pile of shit

at the end of the day. An enjoyable

pile of shit. That's it.

I sustain.

What's the word? Dictionary corner.

Dictionary corner.

Scott, dictionary corner. Abstain?

I don't want to give verdicts.

Abstain. Abstain.

Abstain. Okay.

I love that that worked, that I just

showed you dictionary corner and someone

the other side of the country just went

it's just my moment

thanks god

he can't actually hear you

I said

shh

don't ruin the magic

practice abstinence

otherwise god will judge you

what?

christian side hugs only

christian side hugs

christian side hugs

leaving space for jesus

christian side hugs

that's a new phrase

i've just learned it

i'm so glad i learned it

this whole experience

has been worth it

for that

Anyway, yes, I abstain because I find it inoffensive,

but also I don't think it should exist.

I think it's a dumb video, so...

You find it inoffensive and offensive at the same time.

Yeah, inoffensive and offensive, mostly harmless,

but also I don't think there is, like, if it doesn't exist,

I don't think we'll ever lose anything of substance at all.

It wouldn't be a butterfly effect situation

where if the video for Aqua was never made.

Well, you never know.

You never know.

There might have been, like, not the video, obviously,

but there might have been a couple that met in a club.

Do you remember clubs?

A quad, sorry?

Club.

They were big rooms that people got together in

and they danced.

That sounds horrific.

Were they forced to wear masks?

They were close to each other as well.

Oh no.

There's no masks there.

And where was it called that?

People fucking in clubs.

There might be a couple out there somewhere

who met dancing to this who wouldn't have met.

No, actually I'm putting a pin to this.

The song is an eye for me,

But the video is just, it doesn't need to exist.

So hence why the abstinence.

Glad we cleared that up.

No, the song is fun.

It's dumb.

But the video is like, nah.

The song is good, dumb.

The video is potentially not good, dumb.

Yeah.

Not dumb, doesn't dumb good.

I think that video kind of ran its course.

It was fun while it lasted.

It's time to move on with our lives.

next week is our christmas episode yeah it's not even we don't even do this weekly i keep on doing

this fuck's sake uh next episode is our christmas episode yay single dolls yeah

we've all been bad bad boys and girls that sound is very very kinky new santa's got

got a present for you you

it's called a year of depression it's already happened so when you're enjoying uh your christmas

with uh your family in groups of less than sex and less than two households at least i think that's

what it is here i've lost track you can listen you can all listen to the podcast together do you

I think the new rules are you can't actually listen to podcasts in groups of 6 as well.

Especially past 10 o'clock.

We are doing Olivia Newton-John and John Travolta's Christmas.

Christmas in a quote, because fuck me.

I think you might like it.

That's the name of the song.

I don't think you actually like the song or the video.

Both horrible.

Tune in to listen to us suffer through this.

We suffer for you people.

Nelly sent me this video a couple of days ago

and I watched it once and just went,

yes, this is the one.

It is awkward gold.

Hold on.

I've just watched the first five seconds

and I already know what it's going to be like.

So far.

It's just not good.

And I'm six seconds in.

Okay, stop there.

Save it for the next episode.

I'm going to save it.

Say goodbye, everyone.

Bye.

I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for next episode you guys.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.